IKEA proudly announces that it has been awarded the contract to build the new class of aircraft carriers for the Navy. The Ministry of Defence confirmed the new warships would be made from the chipboard that has made IKEA furniture so popular throughout the world. The new wooden aircrafts were dubbed “the best they could do with major defence spending cuts”.
About 4000 new jobs will be created thanks to building these flatpack carriers. Sunderland and Liverpool are about to be awash in the finest Allen key operators and screwdriver handlers in all of Britain. This makes up 3500 of the jobs in a contract that will take 3 years to complete. The other 500 jobs are being filled with the MENSA members who have been charged with the difficult task of making sense of the hieroglyphic style instructions being shipped along with the carrier parts.
Even though there was talk of purchasing the knotty pine Eurofighters to go along with the carrier, alas the budget set forth in the treasury guidelines would not allow it. The 40 fighters will be waiting for the next government.
There is a lot of talk about how smart it is to build chipboard style aircraft carriers, but the feeling was that it did not matter. The hope is that it is only a short term fix that will be resolved as soon as the country is back on its feet again. The ships are commissioned with an expectation they will be able to last for at least 18 months before falling to ruin like most IKEA furniture. It is apparently a small price to pay to maintain the appearance of a powerful Navy. Those on the inside have been quoted as saying that even with all its problems, at least it is better than what the French has in the water.
SATIRE – Original Posting by “www.NEWSBISCUIT.com”.