A man who has been missing since Christmas Eve has finally been found, frightened and disorientated inside an Ikea Store in Wembley, London.
Derek Mitchell had gone to do some last minute shopping but was only discovered yesterday inside the bedding department after a 7 year old girl heard gentle sobbing coming from underneath a pile of duvets.
‘I popped into the shop on Christmas Eve to buy my wife some nice candles that she is fond of,’ the 53 year old Geographical Surveyor told a press conference today. ‘I paid for my item and then lost my way trying to find the exit, I can’t remember much following that, there were a lot of escalators and at one point I remember seeing an exit but I took my eye off it for a second and it vanished like a mirage in the desert.’
Utterly exasperated by the time of the Boxing Day sales it is thought Mr Mitchell had some kind of breakdown and retreated under the duvets, surviving by scavenging nuts and leftover scraps from the café after closing time. ‘I went feral,’ he told reporters, ‘or whatever the middle-class equivalent of that is.’
Police have now reopened several missing person files involving middle-aged, middle-class men and are carrying out searches of IKEA stores across the country. Mr Mitchell’s wife is glad to have her husband back and joked that the candles he’d bought were the wrong kind anyway, at which point Mr Mitchell broke down in tears and shouted ‘don’t make me go back there’.
Humour – Courtesy of Newsbiscuit